Sometimes it gets tiresome, but even Western Christians are generally keen to live up to high moral standards. We readily have compassion for ourselves when challenged beyond our limits, but woe betide those who sin where, surely, we would not.
This post isn’t about how to raise your personal godliness level; it’s about how to deal with those who don’t live up to yours. And this isn’t a post about those who have wronged you. It’s about being in community with both unbelievers and believers who regularly practice sin in your books – perhaps also in the Good Book.
We can agree that you shouldn’t be forced to compromise with anyone, nor align with fellow believers who are falling short. But it’s hard to be on friendly terms when you need to let them know where you stand. The important message here is to know your zone of responsibility. Let’s start with those over whom don’t have any position of authority.
Think of Paul’s advice in Romans 14 and elsewhere where he urges gentleness and unity, and Jesus in Matthew 7 where he advises not judge others. “Don’t throw your pearls (of wisdom) before swine”. Neither do we cuddle up to swine. Even in gentleness and tolerance you can stand on the ground to which you have every right to hold. It’s amazing how gentle non-verbal messages get through loud and clear. You hardly need to say a word.
While standing your ground, the critical posture is not learning forward with condemning eyes and shoving fingers in their faces. Try and remember you’re not God and think twice if you think He’s called you to invoke divine justice. This will be hard for those who believe that we are transformed into godly living only through punitive and forceful measures. That false gospel is the way common to religion everywhere, and most of our society has had a gutsful of that crap. I deal with that topic elsewhere in my blog.
While we were yet sinners Jesus loved us, and it was His kindness that led us to our repentance, so let’s stick with that policy.
I know it’s painful to see sin at work in your families and Christian fellowships. Pray, model good behaviour and keep your love on. While we were yet sinners Jesus loved us, and it was His kindness that led us to our repentance, so let’s stick with that policy.
Indeed, true repentance is the goal that brings joy to God. Punitive “tough-love” may work to some extent, but that rarely arouses penitent hearts. Instead, punishment usually produces passive resistance, resentment and eventual rebellion. That said, true repentance calls for owning up to consequences, and if sinners embrace remorse they also will accept punishing consequences in keeping with repentance.
Back to taking your stand in a non-punitive way – expect a reaction. Keep your kindness and gentleness evident while standing your ground. If they get nasty, you can even extend some compassion, which can have the effect of pouring hot coals on their heads! How satisfying is that? You gotta love Kingdom living.
Now let’s discuss when you are in authority over others and sin is in the camp you’re responsible for. Make no mistake; stoning is no longer kosher, as Jesus demonstrated once. The subject is treated well in Danny Silk’s Book Unpunishable. It’s telling that the subtitle says: Ending our Love Affair with Punishment”; how did we get this so wrong for so long?
The book is a logical conclusion from his earlier theses in Culture of Honour, Keep your Love On, and Loving our Kids on Purpose. As with those “sinners” discussed above, how about enlisting the Holy Spirit to bring conviction and make a real lasting change in the hearts of those you’re in charge? This will test your heart: are really interested in seeking their repentance, or is your real game about your vengeance or needing to look strong before others? Yes, this will bring on challenges from the punishment-loving crowd. Now this will be a time to take a tougher stand against the fierce winds of religious culture!
There is a time and a place to turn people over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh. Acts records that Ananias and Saphira copped it heavily in the Early Church, and we know others did too. Yet we have seen how this can go awry in centuries past, in such times as the Inquisition.
These sins, however, were first, publicly known, and secondly, quite serious sins that “leavens the whole lump of dough” (1 Corinthians, 5:6). And finally, they were done after due process of gently treating the sinner earnestly for bringing about repentance – which is always the goal.
We choose to listen, have empathy, and then go probing for the Truth. We don’t expect revelation to come loaded into 12-guage shotguns in the misguided attempt to exterminate error.
This is also how Christian therapy and inner healing works. We take our stand and do not necessarily accept personal narratives and truths as presented by our clients or fellow believers. We choose to listen, have empathy, and then go probing for the Truth. We don’t expect revelation to come loaded into 12-guage shotguns in the misguided attempt to exterminate error. We don’t need to quote scriptures to further traumatize people with genuine emotional struggles and pain. We think of the Holy Spirit has gentle as a dove, Jesus as a gentleman.
An increase in Biblical literacy would go a long way to self-modulate false, self-centered narratives. More power to that. Bringing scripture to correct sinful behaviour is only effective when the advice is gently administered to a person who has expressly welcomed it. Otherwise you may be guilty of using God’s Good Book to do the dirty work you’d like to see visited upon wayward sinners. It’s just not your job.
So, if your kind advice has fallen upon deaf ears, or believers who assure you of their convictions but return to wallowing in the mud (or worse, see 2 Peter 2:22) then you might recommend some inner healing to see if there is an unrecognized wound and subsequent false belief they are struggling with. This is especially true for those who ought to know better and can even be in high leadership positions!
Indeed, there are too many seasoned Christians with blinders on, not recognising they’re suffering from emotional trauma – and struggling through life with little joy. This results in poor character development, low levels of spiritual transformation and poor relationship and leadership skills. This has persisted for decades even in Christians communities that have prided themselves on Biblical teaching.
We need to attend to our emotional wounds with increasing urgency and get the truth we need to hear into our hearts that beat with the emotions of love, joy and peace. If not, we may lose our way, and fall headlong into the abyss of self-centered, narcissistic sociopaths that only respond to coercive punishment but leave their hearts unchanged.
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