Make hesed community a priority for your church
This is about making disciples as per the Great Commission
The pandemic broke many habits, and, for some, being apart of a Christian community was one of them. We were forced into lengthy stints of lockdown and had to cope with internet connected substitutes and a narrow range of personal contact – which was mixed blessing for most. When the air cleared, many returned to their usual fellowship and up-close relationships but there were those who kept their distance, stayed with their remote fellowship – or none at all – and attendance was decimated at some congregations.
Substack author Diana Butler Bass wondered in her “musings” on January 8th if the increased experience of loneliness and isolation is correlated with the marked decline in church attendance since the pandemic began. See this study by the American Psychological Association, that confirms existential loneliness proliferated over this time. She suggests that maybe it’s time to reconsider that friendship and community should be a priority for your church mission.
That means character formation - the core of being a disciple - develops through “loving attachments and the values of our community” (p. 22). “Jesus came to establish a hesed community on earth” (p. 86).
If making church a loving community doesn’t show up as priority in the New Testament writings, perhaps that’s because it would be the same as advising grandmothers how to suck eggs. We must always be on guard against our western mindset when interpreting what’s between the lines. Yet we can draw out some explicit Biblical references about friendship. Consider 3 central figures of the Old Testament: Abraham, Moses and David. God directly referred to Abraham as “my friend” (Isaiah 41:8), Moses described conversation with God “as one speaks to a friend” and David was declared by Samuel to be a man after God’s own heart (1 Samuel 13:14). Add to this that Jesus declared “you are my friends” because He revealed the heart and mind of God (John 15:15). And it seems to me that God enjoyed having evening friendly chats in the garden with those He made in His own image.
Real community, however, is more than just friendship. It is all about hesed love, the Hebrew term invoked when God sought faithfulness from his people and what Jesus understood by God’s command to love Him with everything we are – and one another. It’s a love characterised by affectionate bonds that cannot be broken, deeper than a commitment; it’s a tenacious love or aroha pumau as they say in te reo Maori.
In Living from the Heart Jesus Gave You Jim Wilder explains why a hesed community is needed to both repair broken hearts and bring people into maturity. As both a neuroscientist and theologian with over 3 decades experience of treating addictions and trauma, Wilder says the current science reveals “our brains are designed to change through love” (p. 41). “Brain growth and strength (occurs) in the joyful identity region of the brain’s right prefrontal cortex” (p. 74). That means character formation - the core of being a disciple - develops through “loving attachments and the values of our community” (p. 22). “Jesus came to establish a hesed community on earth” (p. 86).
The lockdowns broke the taboo of not missing church and that Genie did not easily go back in the bottle for those who realized they hadn’t missed a thing.
That means you can’t isolate, even with Bible in hand, and expect to live an emotionally healthy life, let alone become Christlike and love others. If we are not embraced in a loving community, we will suffer low joy and problems related to identity and trauma will remain unhealed. “Our creator made us with brains that want to operate with joy in charge, and we want our lives to be filled with relationships that lead us to joy.” “Our identity is built and formed by joy-bonded relationships” (p.61), says Wilder.
The pandemic lockdowns, I’m sure, messed with some routines that didn’t contribute to community building or authentic friendships. As Bass writes, “COVID gave many people a chance to clear the slate of life, make new choices, and develop healthier habits.” But it also broke the habit of gathering in small friendly groups, including circles of friends whom we call brothers and sisters – so called because these are the very people we rely on to help navigate the difficulties of life with encouragement and advice in the truths we embrace most deeply.
It would be unfair for me to suggest a lack of genuine hesed community was responsible for those congregations that were decimated. But it makes sense that for some, the pandemic exposed the façade of their unloving, unsafe communities that people were experiencing previously. Let’s face it, as Bass points out, the social atmosphere of many churches can be shallow and even manipulative. The lockdowns broke the taboo of not missing church and that Genie did not easily go back in the bottle for those who realized they hadn’t missed a thing. Even more so when we all discovered that great worship, sermons and workshops were easily accessible online.
But what is still needed – even the highest priority in Christian life – is the fellowship of believers who love one another, truly, deeply from the heart. If we continue to “neglect our meeting together” (Heb. 10:25) it’s not so much that we’ve somehow “forgotten” but that we don’t really take seriously the Biblical priority of simply being glad to be together, encouraging one another and the practice of “loving one another” – as Jesus commanded.
The following two poems were garnered from the above-mentioned Substack article by Diana Bass: many thanks!
Lying, thinking
Last night
How to find my soul a home
Where water is not thirsty
And bread loaf is not stone
I came up with one thing
And I don't believe I'm wrong
That nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.
— Maya Angelou, from “Alone,” read the entire poem here.
May you be blessed with good friends.
May you learn to be a good friend to yourself.
May you be able to journey to that place in your soul where
there is great love, warmth, feeling, and forgiveness.
May this change you.
May it transfigure that which is negative, distant, or cold
in you.
May you be brought in to the real passion, kinship, and
affinity of belonging.
May you treasure your friends.
May you be good to them and may you be there for them;
may they bring you all the blessings, challenges, truth,
and light that you need for your journey.
May you never be isolated.
May you always be in the gentle nest of belonging with your
anam ċara.
— John O’Donohue (anam ċara means “soul friend”)